the phone call

as she lies in bed pondering on the way the sunlight hits right abover her pillow, just bright enough to wake her from her sleep she begins to wonder what the point is in moving. she would rather lie in bed all day long and all night long than get up and go through with her day, she isnt sick she isnt depressed she's just lost, tired of the day to day routine, ready for something unpredictable and unstable, something that will make her average life adventerous.


finally she finds the will to roll out of bed and get dressed, as she is doing so she begins to think about her plans "okay, i've got work at 10am, then after work i need to do some shopping for the house, then there is that holiday party tonight..." she shoves the very terrifying thoughts away from her mind as she goes about her day and night. only to confront the cold, dark and lonely evening ahead, life has been like this for months, none of her friends, family or coworkers know anything about what she is going through.

as she prepares her bed she hears her phone ring, she quickly grabs it, as she does she realizes who it is and decides not to answer it, turns out it was the one person she wanted nothing to do with, the one person who shattered her, the only person who could mend her. the phone continues to ring and she recieves voicemails and text messages apologizing saying he made a mistake he chose the wrong person, ect. ect.



not wanting or knowing what to say to him she puts her phone on silent and sits on her bed opens the blinds in her room and stares up at the night sky, he didnt do anything wrong, he told her from the beginning how things were going to be and she was the one pursuing something, she knew the whole time she was in the wrong, however she continued on not caring for the consequences, it was extremely out of character for her, never had she allowed anyone to open doors, call her or txt her or pusue anything with her, she was miss independent. she didnt need anyone, wanted someone but didnt need them, so when he came along and broke all those walls she had set up, she was afraid but ready, ready to see what this all had in store for her, had she known it was going to end up in heartache she would have driven away.



she began to think upon how life was before him, how happy she was, how in love with herself she was, she had finally accepted herself for who she was and what she looked like, she could never see the beauty that everyone else saw, but decided that she was a beautiful person and if someone couldnt love her the way she was then they werent worth her time and effort. then right as things were going well for her he showed up, he showered her with affection and was all mushy gushy romantic, she never wanted that, thought it was all fairytale crap. those walls she built came crashing down like waterfalls, they never stood a chance with him, then he broke her heart. now she must build herself back up from where she has fallen.


she is tired of telling her friends the same old story over and over again, that she is broken hearted and cant understand why, she is scared she will never find someone who fits so well with her as he does, someone who was as crazy about her as she was about him, so she keeps to herself, she tells no one of the conflicting pain she feels deep inside, the hurt she bottles it up and pretends everything is alright. when she is home she closes off doors and isolates herself from everyone, its not that she doesnt love her family but she is tired of the negativity her family holds with them and refuses to have any part of it, however when doing family events she acts as if they are the brady bunch, fine and dandy nothing wrong. deep inside she is confused and wants to go back into time and tell herself of what is to come and make herself walk away from the poisoned apple



he continues to call, only 2 calls, 2 voicemails, and 2 txt messages. all apologizing asking for her to call him so he can explain everything. tempted to see what he wants to say she calls him, they sit and talk like old friends at first then get into the deeper stuff as the night continues on, he begins to explain that he does love his (now ex) girlfriend, however cannot get her off his mind, wants to be with her not his ex, he cant explain why he loves his ex because he himself does not understand the odd desire to be with her, he thought they had a perfect relationship, and they did in his eyes because he wasnt ready to start a new relationship with anyone, and his ex and him knew one another like the back of their hands and there was no guess work or confusions, nothing to worry about, they could be together without all the difficulites of a new relationship. he had so much going on he couldnt handle having a new relationship and now that things have settled down for him he is ready to begin where they ended.


not knowing what to say or think or feel, she sits frozen in time just existing not thinking not speaking, his voice begins to fade, she can hear nothing over her tears falling from the green depths of her sparkling eyes, she was always and still is a very bright soul, she hardly every cries tears of sadness, there is never a moment where she does not laugh or make someone else laugh, she makes it her goal in life to show people emense love and kindness, hoping they will pass that on to someone else. so for her to be this down and out she wants nothing more than to feel better and move on with her life.



silence is all that surrounds him and her, she tells him she needs time to be alone, to think, to just exist, she doesnt know what to say and doesnt want to say the wrong thing understanding this he agrees to speak to her tommorow. so softly she lays on her pillow, awake full of questions, confusion, fear anxiety, she will not get any sleep tonight, she will not wake to a happy morning, she will only wake to more confusion, fear, anxiety and indescision.

that night she dreams a dream only she can know of, she dreams of a dream so powerful she herself is afraid not to follow the direction given to her in the dream, so she does as the dream guides her to do...who's to say she made the right descision, whose to say she made the wrong...no one except for her and him shall know wether it was the right or wrong descision.